


Honey, I Can't Be Your Savior

by soonuwus



Series: Songs in the key of Smut [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BUT ITS FOR LIKE ONE SCENE DONT LET THAT DISSUADE U. its tiny, Costumes, Crossdressing, Degradation, Dom Jeonghan, Flogging, Friends to Lovers, Jeonghan bottoms EXACTLY ONCE, Light Bondage, M/M, Masochism, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Priest Kink, Rimming, Roleplay, Sadism, Sexual Roleplay, Sub Joshua, Teacher/Student Roleplay, but kinda ambiguous?, but sometimes he needs to get RAILED, don't we all?, is that why i can't stop writing smut?, lots of costumes, mostly just mentions of bondage, mostly top jeonghan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:55:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soonuwus/pseuds/soonuwus
Summary: Jeonghan was beginning to feel painfully aware of one fact: Joshua was always looking for a savior. Not in the sense of his childhood days at church, no, but perhaps an escape. Maybe a lover, maybe a friend, maybe none of these things.Jeonghan just knew by the look in Joshua’s eyes. He knew him better than anyone else. He knew he needed something that he didn’t have and Jeonghan knew that he would die if he could give it to him, somehow.





	Honey, I Can't Be Your Savior

**Author's Note:**

> OH my god I WISH i could stop writing smut... I've had this idea for a while. I have a whole list of song prompts i want to do and MOST of them are smutty... but I spent the ENTIRE DAY TODAY one of my only days off from school listening to MASSEDUCTION by St. Vincent on repeat (shameless plug one of my favorite albums go listen to it ALONG W HER OTHER WORK) and writing this.... messs... this beautiful mess which i birthed with no epidural... and here she is. that's all I have to say I'll let her speak for herself  
> this is based on the song Savior by St. Vincent. Expect more song prompts bc they're good exercises  
> also dedicating this in part to Kitty bc of our shared love of Annie Clark and fucky situations like this and the fact that i talked to her about this prompt months ago (tho we thought it would be gyuhao but dont worry I have another idea for them) and to EMMA!!!!! my love my BETA!! whom I have yet to really thank but she has been SO RESPONSIBLE for so much of my work recently she is such a lovely and gracious proof reader and beta and I would die for her! <3

This is new, quite new for Jeonghan, and there aren’t many situations that he can say that of. He had never been a stranger to fantasy, roleplay, or kink of any sort. Quite the opposite, actually. If anything, Jeonghan was often the instigator among his friends or partners, the catalyst that brought the concepts of S&M and domination and submission into their world. Most of Jeonghan’s friends were never surprised to find out about his torrid parallel life, the one he loved so much to escape into when the trappings of the real world had become too much for him to bear. Jeonghan tried his best to control his life, the things around him, but he often found that it was just impossible.

Here, though? Jeonghan had all the control he could ever ask for.

Still, this was new. This was an uncommon feeling, the taut pull of the white vinyl skirt that hugged Jeonghan’s thighs, and he wasn’t quite sure yet how to feel about that. He did, however, revel in the feeling of the white vinyl gloves as he pulled them down, stretching them tightly onto his hands with a flourish of his fingers. There were things he enjoyed about this, the dressing up, the theatricality of all of it. He had never delved quite this deep into roleplay before, often foregoing such specific, playful costumes and opting instead for some nice shibari rope work or a tight leather harness, if anything at all.

“Are you sure about all this?” Jeonghan asked, taking the image of himself in. He stood in the mirror, contemplating the outfit that Joshua had picked out for him, the white vinyl nurse’s number, complete with a headpiece bearing a red cross that was bobby-pinned into his hair, thigh-highs, and vinyl gloves (Jeonghan’s favorite part). He felt just a tad bit ridiculous, and since Jeonghan was so used to taking on the dominant role in this type of scenario (of course, he still would be), he wasn’t very accustomed to such feelings.

“Yes, oh my god,” Joshua pulled his lip between his teeth as his eyes fixed on Jeonghan, who could meet his eyes in the mirror as he looked on. “You look fucking amazing.”

Jeonghan scanned his eyes up and down his own reflection once, and Joshua was right. He couldn’t deny it, he did look pretty fucking amazing, despite feeling a bit out of place, trimmings all a bit too tight, quite unfamiliar. Jeonghan held in his hands his favorite flogger, which served as a bit of a grounding agent for him among all the tension and foreign sensations.

“So you’re my patient? And I’m your…” Jeonghan trailed off after turning from the mirror to face Joshua, and he looked down at himself, suddenly aware at the feeling of the sticky vinyl pressed against his cock.

“You’re my nurse. Now come over here and take care of me,” Joshua said, a strange demanding air to his voice. Jeonghan did always love when he acted like a brat. It suited him all too well.

“I can’t get a look at what’s wrong with you,” Jeonghan said, setting down the flogger on the bed as he approached his friend, “if you don’t get out of these clothes, sir.”

Jeonghan helped Joshua out of his clothes, allowing for the gentler air that this role indicated to come through, but Joshua never made that hard for him at all; in fact, quite the contrary. Jeonghan loved to degrade, to mark, and sometimes he really enjoyed causing pain as long as he knew it brought his partner pleasure, but he found he lived best within the more nurturing aspects of the dominant title. Jeonghan may have seemed, to those who didn’t know him, cold, reserved, even a bit petty at times, but to those who knew him best, he was a nurturer at heart, and he was most nurturing to his closest companions, his sexual partners or friends, especially the ones who were both.

But there was something more intense about Joshua. Jeonghan struggled to remember the last of his partners that he felt this way about. He wanted nothing more than to please Joshua, to provide him with an escape, whether that meant edging him for hours on end until he was a babbling mess slipping in and out of different languages, or taking care of him, gently easing him into things, like this. Jeonghan always wanted to give Joshua whatever he needed, whatever he desired, and he met a bit of resistance in doing so. Not from any external source, but perhaps from a little pocket of strife somewhere deep within him. Perhaps that was why this felt so… off. Maybe it was all in his head.

Nonetheless, Jeonghan tried to give himself away to the scene, to the roleplay. That’s what he was doing, right? It was all part of the play, none of what he might say or do indicative of his feelings, of any deep-seated want that might be growing in his belly. This was just a sort of ritualist thing for them, as it tended to be with Jeonghan. They were best friends. Joshua was exhausted — life was taking its toll. Jeonghan could say he felt the same. They were helping each other out of a bind, and sometimes into a new form of bondage. It was just the nature of their relationship, and Jeonghan was comfortable enough with that (or so he thought).

“So, tell me where it hurts,” Jeonghan said, now perched atop the bed with Joshua sprawled out beneath him. Jeonghan was kneeling over him, each knee bookending Joshua’s delicate little hips as he sat back on his elbows.

“Mmm…” Joshua sighed and looked away, as if pondering where to take things. “Here,” he finally decided, breathily, pointing to his lips. Jeonghan was afraid that would happen, but how could he resist?

So Jeonghan leaned in to kiss Joshua, the stretch of the vinyl over his ass constricting and freeing all at once, but feeling so much better when he felt Joshua’s wandering hands make contact with the slick material that hugged his body. It felt electric, suddenly, to be all wrapped up like this, playing the role that Joshua needed. Jeonghan kissed him softly for a moment before his tongue begged at the entrance of Joshua’s pretty lips, beckoning to burst forth, to explore and writhe around inside his mouth. Jeonghan always told himself to be more reserved in situations like this —  _ remember your role _ , he would think — but right now, for some reason, he couldn’t find a fuck to give, unless he was giving it to Joshua.

Joshua finally broke away and Jeonghan was pulled back to their reality.

“I think it hurts the most, down here, though…” Joshua gestured toward his lap and Jeonghan just stared hungrily at the bulge in his boxers.

“Well, let me take a look at that,” Jeonghan said, trying to hold onto the air of dominance he so clung to, but finding that part of him rendered useless in this moment, in front of his best friend who was breathy and aching beneath him. Something told him he would have to abandon his favorite flogger for now, but that was fine with him, for once.

Still, he felt a bit choked up, just a tad out of sorts, but wanting Joshua so,  _ so  _ badly, all the same.  _ Perhaps,  _ he thought, a bit afraid,  _ more than he wants or needs me. _

Jeonghan had known Joshua for years, and they had been doing this for several months now, but he had yet to be really, truly challenged by anyone like this, and he didn’t know whether that terrified or excited him.

 

. . .

 

“Why can’t I just use this? I’m just… more used to it,” Jeonghan insisted to Joshua, who was bent over the desk in his own room, ass bare and taunting Jeonghan despite how vexed he felt.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua, said, breaking out of the scene along with Jeonghan, “you’re my  _ teacher.  _ Why would a teacher have a flogger in his classroom? Just use the goddamn ruler.”

“I’ll have to hit you twice as hard for swearing like that, young man,” Jeonghan said, voice firm, as he picked up the ruler that lay on the desk and returned back into character. He felt some hesitance pooling in his stomach.

“You’ve been very bad, Joshua. What do you have to say for yourself?” Jeonghan asked, adjusting the glasses he wore as part of the ruse.

Joshua receded back into their little game as well, all too convincingly.

“Nothing, sir. I’m just a bad boy who deserves to be punished.”

Joshua’s voice when he said that was something else, Jeonghan thought. He never really got over the sound of his voice, and now that he’d heard him like  _ that, _ the breathiness of Joshua’s voice always seemed to incite something primal in him, even if it slipped out while they were out at a coffee shop or eating dinner in public. Even then, he felt a stirring in his chest and blood rushing to his head.

“You’re a brat, is what you are,” Jeonghan said, voice growing hoarse, tightening his grip on the wooden ruler. He still thought this was ridiculous, but if it was what Joshua wanted, he’d bend over backwards trying to give it to him. Jeonghan was glad, though, that Joshua was the one bent over for him.

“Count the strikes. Don’t mess up. I’ll have to make you learn somehow.”

Joshua nodded at this, bracing himself for the impact he knew was coming.

Jeonghan brought the ruler down with a hesitant, weak lash. It still stung, but not nearly as much as Joshua wanted.

“One,” Joshua said, almost sounding irritated, and Jeonghan knew that was him begging for more. So he wound up faster this time, with more fervor, and scourged harder at the soft swell of Joshua’s ass. Joshua yelped, a breathier, whinier “Two!” escaping from his lips.

“Do you think that’s enough? Do you think you’ve learned?” Jeonghan asked, egging Joshua on.

“No sir, I’ve been such a brat. Hit me  _ harder. _ ”

Jeonghan let out a dark laugh, but deeper inside, he felt his heart swell up and skip a beat.  _ Fuck,  _ he thought,  _ not now. _

“You’re right, how silly of me! You’ll never learn. You need to be beaten into submission,” he said, and with that Jeonghan lifted the ruler and came down even harder than before. Joshua’s backside was reddening and fast becoming covered with the prickling square brands of the ruler.

“Three!  _ Ahh,  _ sir, more!” Joshua cried out, and holy fucking shit, Jeonghan couldn’t handle him anymore. So he hit him again.

Sure, this was all roleplay, but there  _ was  _ a subtext. Each lash that Jeonghan let out against Joshua only made his heart beat harder, but he felt like he was trying to expel whatever flitting feeling had filled his stomach lately, whenever his mind lingered on the boy that lay prostrate on the desk beneath him. He felt like he was beating Joshua as if it would somehow allow him to beat the feelings inside of him away as well, but of course, that never worked. With each lash, Joshua whined and begged for more, losing count and repeating numbers, until Jeonghan had decided that the flogging wasn’t enough and that Joshua would have to learn some other way. Of course, Joshua was eager and hungry at this, at the movement beyond the prelude of the scene into the sex. By now, Joshua was already deep within the headspace he needed to be in to let go completely and give himself over fully to the pleasure, the sensations, the release of it all.

Jeonghan sometimes found that dominating or partaking in any type of play was a place for him to escape, too, but with Joshua, it was like he could never get out of his head, or perhaps it was that he was too deep inside of it. Strangely enough, Jeonghan had never become so focused on his partner amidst all of this, especially with all the flourish and dramatics of scenes such as these. But here, when Joshua was pretending to be someone else, slipping as far away as he could into escape, Jeonghan could only focus on him. Not the student he was playing, but Joshua himself, the boy he called his best friend, the one who dropped to his knees to let Jeonghan fuck his mouth, begging him to shut him up with his cock. Jeonghan was _ too _ present, and that was fast becoming a problem.

 

. . .

 

“Jesus Christ,” Jeonghan exclaimed, then laughed at the irony of his exclamation as he looked down at the shroud of black vestment he wore, only punctuated by the white tab collar that delicately constricted his neck, “isn’t this a bit much, even for you?”

Joshua just laughed, “Listen, it’s not like I have some fucked up resentment toward the church,” Joshua urged him, “okay… maybe just a little… but… don’t you think it’s hot?”

“Isn’t this the Halloween costume you wore, like, five years ago?” Jeonghan asked, cheeks reddening as he laughed. Joshua turned redder though.

“What about it?” Joshua asked with a small push on Jeonghan’s arm.

“I don’t know… you’re cool with me defiling it like this?”

“Jeonghan, I  _ asked  _ you to wear it, of course I am.”

Jeonghan gulped. He knew he was falling in too deep, but he was running out of concerns and reservations, what little caution he gripped onto being swept away by the wind he knew by the name of Joshua Hong.

“Okay then,” Jeonghan said, still giggling slightly, and Joshua stifled a laugh as well, perhaps unable to move past the irony of the situation. Jeonghan wondered if this could even be considered role play anymore, but he didn’t really give a shit. He would wear a clown suit if he knew it would make Joshua suck his dick better and more fervently every time. Jeonghan just stifled his laughter as best he could and tried to wear an air of priestly zen.

“On your knees, then. Time to pray for forgiveness.”

 

. . .

 

Jeonghan was beginning to feel painfully aware of one fact: Joshua was always looking for a savior. Not in the sense of his childhood days at church, no, but perhaps an escape. Maybe a lover, maybe a friend, maybe none of these things.

Jeonghan just knew by the look in Joshua’s eyes. He knew him better than anyone else. He knew he needed something that he didn’t have and Jeonghan knew that he would die if he could give it to him, somehow.

Jeonghan tried to pull himself off of this train of thought as he watched Joshua walk into the coffee shop, eyes scanning the room until he found his friend. Jeonghan hated the way these things happened, the way that something or someone like Joshua could consume him so quickly, without him noticing until it was too late. Jeonghan could do nothing now, nothing about the way that he watched Joshua’s eyes light up when he saw him, and the way that it made him want to melt into the floor beneath him.

“Hey,” Joshua said, voice an annoyingly sweet whisper as he sat down across from Jeonghan, “it feels like it’s been a while.”

“But,” Jeonghan said, “we just saw each other, like, two days ago.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Joshua said. “Like, I mean, it feels like it’s been a while since we went  _ out,  _ you know. In public. Not like…”

“Whatever it is we normally do?” Jeonghan finished his sentence without meaning to do so out loud, and ended up scrambling to recover, to avoid broaching the subject any further. Jeonghan was open about his dealings with sex, with roleplay. Wasn’t that the point of all that? You had to communicate if you wanted to have a good experience indulging in kink, or really sex of any kind. Communication was essential to any relationship, of course. Jeonghan knew this, and he was really quite good at it, normally, but he was drawing a blank here. His thoughts about Joshua just made him melt into this pool of want… of lust… of l-... no, of other feelings he was much too afraid to confront. Joshua was his friend, and Jeonghan loved the idea of fooling around and helping each other out, but he was beginning to think it had gone too far, at least for him, and he didn’t want to know where Joshua stood, either way.

“Come on, idiot, let’s get some coffee,” Joshua insisted, leading Jeonghan out of his daze and over to the line.

Once they got up to the register, Joshua realized he had forgotten his wallet.

“Ahh, really… this shouldn’t be surprising to me. You’re a fool, Joshuji,” Jeonghan laughed.

“Won’t you treat me just this once?” Joshua asked in his favorite sugary voice, the one that he knew Jeonghan could never resist,  _ goddamn him. _

“Is there anything in it for me?” Jeonghan wondered, so aware of the dangerous game he played, that they both played.

“That’s a silly question. You  _ know  _ there is,” Joshua insisted, giving Jeonghan a coy look.  _ His eyes are criminally beautiful when he’s fucking you with them _ , Jeonghan thought

“Mmm, I don’t know. What if I’m getting bored?” Jeonghan said, knowing that it could not be further from the truth. Jeonghan cringed at the way that every moment of their relationship had somehow become riddled with this sort of roleplay, even just a moment spent in line waiting to order coffee. Jeonghan began to wonder if Joshua had really forgotten his wallet, or if it was just one of the many acts he loved to put on.

“That’s not a problem,” Joshua said with such self-assurance it made Jeonghan gulp. “You know I’d do anything you wanted.”

“I don’t know…” Jeonghan mused, and Joshua slipped up behind him, much too close for comfort, and planted both of his hands firmly on Jeonghan’s shoulders as he craned his head so he could be as close to his ear as possible.

“Pleeeease, Hannie? Please?” Joshua  _ begged, holy fuck,  _ in his best breathy voice, one that Jeonghan was beginning to think he had never truly heard before, one that was completely new.

And that, precisely, was why it was so hard. Jeonghan felt like he could resist Joshua sometimes, often even. Jeonghan could resist the idea of martyring himself fully to live only as a servant to the god he knew as Joshua, even if it plagued his thoughts for days on end. But,  _ Jesus,  _ when Joshua said such a simple word, when he begged,  _ please,  _ in his perfect little voice, Jeonghan just couldn’t resist. It made him want to give him everything he had.

 

. . .

 

_ “Please,”  _ Joshua breathed out, barely a whisper, having fallen so deep into submission that he had lost the ability to form words, or so it seemed.

“Please, what?” Jeonghan asked as he fucked him, achingly slow, the rolls of his hips just enough to keep Joshua from unraveling with need at the way that Jeonghan was teasing him  _ oh so _ cruelly. Jeonghan had spent about twenty minutes at the beginning edging Joshua with a hitachi wand. Then, he took a while to slowly open him up with his fingers, revelling in the way that Joshua clasped around his fingers, the way he begged for more. After that, he broke out a vibrating butt plug and refused to touch his leaking cock as he degraded him.

About an hour of degrading, exhausting, edging, overstimulating foreplay, and it had led them here: Jeonghan, still teasing, still moving painstakingly slow, and Joshua, just completely and utterly gone, voice marred from moaning and crying, throat too dry to make a sound.

“Aww, you’re so cute, Joshuji, you’re too exhausted from all my teasing to even tell me what you want from me, huh?” Jeonghan asked, slowing to a stop once his cock was buried fully inside of Joshua. Joshua just whined, too overstimulated and under-stimulated at the same time to even move.

“It’s a pity… how will I know what you want from me if you don’t tell me? I’m not a mind-reader, Joshua.”

“I want you to fuck me, h-harder,” Joshua rasped as best he could as he laid beneath Jeonghan and shook. Jeonghan was always amazed at how much more beautiful his voice sounded like this, when it was all dried up. Joshua’s words came out in little patches, in the dialect of whichever tongue he could slip into faster, Korean or English, he didn’t care. It made the little sounds that broke through so much more beautiful, Jeonghan thought.

“Oh, harder?” Jeonghan asked, gradually beginning to move and speeding up his pace slowly, “Like this?”

“Y-yes,” Joshua choked out. “Yes, please!”

There was that word again, that word that seemed to render any laws and rules that Jeonghan tried to set for himself void and null. Jeonghan loved indulging in teasing, in sadism, in edging, but suddenly, he felt like all he wanted was to feel Joshua clenching around him. He, himself, was growing tired of the teasing.

So Jeonghan let go himself. He thrust harder and harder into Joshua, and he let his moans fill the room with no regard for sticking to his prescribed role, joining with Joshua’s broken whines to form a gorgeous, raucous symphony.

 

. . .

 

“Jeonghan?” is the sound that he hears, the sound of his own name sung in his favorite voice to pull him out of a daze. Jeonghan struggles to remember what was happening before; was he asleep?

It hits him all at once when he looks down to see Joshua, shibari knots constricting his entire chest, looking up at him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Joshua asks again.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine,” Jeonghan says, shaking it off, whatever it was, and he can feel the leather harness he’s wearing now, something more familiar to him, somewhat grounding. “Where were we?”

“Well, you had just finished rigging me, but I feel like you’re not in the mood for that.”

“No, no, I am,” Jeonghan insists, still bleary-eyed. “I’m just tired.”

“Maybe we should just do something else, then?” Joshua asks, sounding firm despite the way that his hands are bound up behind his back. He does know Jeonghan better than anyone else.

“No, I want this. I want-”  _ you,  _ is what he wants to say,  _ I want you, Joshua. I always do. I want all of you.  _ But Jeonghan stops himself, “I want to do this.”

“Well, we can still do  _ this, _ but maybe we should try it another way? Something new?” Joshua posits.

“Joshua… I said I wanted to do this today because it’s easier and it’s familiar. I don’t want to put the nurse’s outfit on again, this is just easier, can we just-”  
“No, dumbass!” Joshua laughs, “I’m not asking you to put another outfit on. I just thought…” he takes pause and seems to think through his words, “maybe we could get out of all of this stuff, and you could let me take the lead… for once? Since you’re tired?”

Jeonghan shudders at the thought, the feeling that Joshua seems to incite at him all too often: the feeling of something entirely new, that he didn’t know he wanted. But he questions it, the vulnerability that this suggestion entails. Would that be too much for Jeonghan? Would he end up revealing parts of himself that he has been trying to keep buried?

All these thoughts cross his mind, but with the way that Joshua looks at him, eyes hungry and scanning his body, all he can do is fling them away and give in.

“Okay,” Jeonghan says, trying not to sound too eager, like Joshua’s suggestion has shocked him awake. “I’ll untie you, yeah?”

Joshua just nods, and Jeonghan takes his time undoing the tight knots he had worked so hard to rig just minutes ago. He keeps their usual aftercare in mind, leaving kisses along Joshua’s skin wherever a knot dug in or a piece of rope may have pulled a bit too tight. Joshua giggles as he does this, and Jeonghan is already fearing the territory that he may have stepped into in this moment.

“Don’t take that off, though,” Joshua says when Jeonghan almost begins to unbuckle the harness he is wearing.

Joshua pulls Jeonghan down onto the bed by the rings tied up in leather as he discards the red rope on the floor, and he kisses him slowly, lips lingering in between breaths and catching on each other’s teeth. Jeonghan opens his mouth eagerly, letting his jaw go slack so that Joshua can explore his. Joshua sucks on Jeonghan’s tongue, mouths all slick and red the longer they go at it.

“God,” Jeonghan says when Joshua moves from his mouth to pepper kisses along his cheek and down his jaw, “you’re such a little slut.”

“Having a hard time relinquishing control, huh?” Joshua says in between kisses, teasing.

“I don’t know if I could ever stop degrading you no matter how much control I give up,” Jeonghan says with a fond laugh ( _ oh no, _ he thinks, but casts it aside like the shibari rope). “You just make it too easy.”

“Whatever, dumbass,” Joshua says before he sucks on Jeonghan’s neck, drawing forth a moan from the other. Jeonghan hates the way the lines are blurring, the way their so carefully prescribed roles seem to be dissipating before his eyes, the way that Joshua is talking to him not like they’re about to have sex, but like he’s picking on his best friend. Jeonghan tries to let go as much as he can, despite these thoughts that plague him.

Joshua takes his time moving down Jeonghan’s body, marking his way like the hickeys he leaves are red dots on a map that make a neat little trail. He treats Jeonghan’s skin like it’s precious parchment, like he’s a cartographer geographing a newly discovered land, and in a way he is. Jeonghan’s skin is fresh and new to him in this way. Sure, he’s gone down on him before, even marked him, but not like this, not so…  _ lovingly,  _ and Jeonghan shudders at that word as he thinks it.

“Sensitive, huh?” Joshua asks when he notices the way Jeonghan is shaking.

“No!” Jeonghan insists, bashful, skin growing red and blotchy wherever Joshua has traveled.

Joshua finally gets to his destination, and he laughs as he struggles to undo the fly of the leather pants that Jeonghan is wearing. They stick to his skin, they’re too tight, and he’s already become sweaty from Joshua’s teasing journey down his body. Jeonghan flushes harder at all of the fumbling, and Joshua just laughs.

“Ahh, cute, Hannie’s embarrassed for once,” Joshua says, once again speaking to him like they’re at their favorite coffee shop among other friends, and not like he’s beginning to pump his cock as he shoves the leather pants away with his feet.

“Just… get to work, whore,” Jeonghan bites, and Joshua just laughs, unfettered. There’s a bratty nuance to it. Jeonghan just feels like Joshua couldn’t give himself fully to the role of the dominant, but he could easily find a home in the blurry space between the two extremes. His defiance certainly lends itself to that.

So, Joshua gets to work and licks a series of teasing stripes up Jeonghan’s cock as he holds his member with one hand, teasing the head as he goes. Eventually, he gets to the head and licks at the slit, and by then, Jeonghan is swearing fitfully and already dropping a hand to tangle in Joshua’s hair.

“Fuck, please, just take it already,” Jeonghan begs, roughly carding a hand through Joshua’s locks. Joshua angles his head with the help of Jeonghan’s hair pulling and lets his jaw go slack so he can take the whole thing into his mouth. Jeonghan strains when he feels it hit the back of Joshua’s throat.

_“Fuck,_ _Joshua,_ ” he curses, “you’re such a good little slut for me, aren’t you?”

Joshua gags in affirmation around Jeonghan’s cock as he begins to let go, and then bounds back down, lips stopping at the peak of its head so that he can swirl his tongue around it every time he comes back up. He’s going  _ slow,  _ and fuck, Jeonghan can imagine how much Joshua wanted to  _ die  _ every time he teased him like this, or worse, but Jeonghan is trying to just lean into it as best he can.

Joshua pulls off to pump Jeonghan with his hand and move down to suck at his balls, and as Jeonghan is caught up in holding in a moan, he feels a twitch, somewhere  _ new. _

“Fuck,  _ fuck,  _ Joshua, can I ask you for something?” Jeonghan says.

“I  _ do  _ still owe you for the coffee,” Joshua says, looking up, and Jeonghan can’t get over the sight of him bent over, in between his legs, lips swollen from kissing and sucking and coated with Jeonghan’s own precum. It’s a sight that never gets old, but right now, Joshua looks  _ beyond  _ breathtaking.

“Can you…” Jeonghan pauses, unsure of what he’s about to ask, “can you rim me?”

Joshua gapes at him, but the widening of his eyes is quickly followed by an eager smile.

“Of course,” Joshua says, “Do you want me to-”

“Yes,” Jeonghan says, firm.

“I didn’t even finish,” Joshua laughs.

“Yes, I want you to eat me out, finger me open, lube up my hole and stretch me out nice and wide for you, and I want you to fuck me. Actually, I  _ demand  _ these things of you, slave,” Jeonghan lets off, unable to pull himself out of the headspace he so often resides in, but he can tell that Joshua doesn’t care. He looks as though what he’s heard isn’t what he’s expected, but it’s what he’s been  _ waiting for,  _ in a way. Maybe Joshua didn’t even know he wanted that, Jeonghan thinks, maybe it was Jeonghan’s turn to surprise him with something new.

“Yes, master,” Joshua says eagerly, punctuated by a few whispered  _ fucks _ as he scrambles off of the bed to find the lube and the condoms, and he takes a moment, as that’s usually Jeonghan’s job. With some aid and direction, he finds it and makes his way back to the bed.

Joshua returns to his place in between Jeonghan’s legs, and he spreads them wide, pushing them back so Jeonghan’s thighs open up to reveal his hole, the source of the twitch and shakes that overcame his body earlier. It had been a long,  _ long,  _ time since Jeonghan had been fucked, but he played with himself from time to time. Still, the stretching process was going to take some time, and that was something he was eager to see Joshua try to make it through.

Joshua plants delicate kisses along Jeonghan’s ass and thighs, and he finds himself flushing again, hoping that Joshua can’t see his face from where he was. He finally makes contact with the skin of his perineum, and Jeonghan sighs.

Jeonghan whines when Joshua moves down to lick at his hole, tight and  _ begging  _ to be worked open. He swirls laps around it and Jeonghan moans, legs tightening around Joshua’s neck as he works, only to be pushed back again so that Joshua can find a better angle. Joshua finally plunges his tongue in slowly, slightly, as little as he can.

“Fuck, Hannie, I’m gonna need to use my fingers,” Joshua remarks, once again slipping into this sort of casual congenial way of speaking, and Jeonghan glares at him.  _ Doesn’t he know he’s ruining the moment?  _ thinks one layer of Jeonghan, but a voice much deeper down, one that Jeonghan is always trying to quiet, says  _ come on, you want this, you want to be fully aware that your best friend is fucking you, the one that you love. You’ve wanted this all along. _

“I mean…” Joshua tries to fix his mistake, anyway, “can I use my fingers, master? You’re just…  _ so  _ tight.”

_ FUCK, _ Jeonghan screams inwardly, and the illusion is ruined by Joshua even deigning to call him  _ tight,  _ but he doesn’t give a shit right now.

“Do anything you need to, slave,” Jeonghan stutters out with a bite, one that is more eager than angry.

So, Joshua finds the lube on the bed and clicks the cap open, pouring a generous amount onto Jeonghan’s hole, and then onto his fingers. Jeonghan shivers at the cold feel, feeling vulnerable and shivery and sensitive, but what can he do about it now? He is about to, literally, be opened up. Isn’t this what he wanted?  _ Yes, it is,  _ the nagging voice says.

Joshua presses his pointer finger up against Jeonghan’s hole, and Jeonghan can already feel himself unraveling. He can’t believe that  _ this  _ is happening, that he’s let it go this far, that Joshua is about to fuck him. What does he think he’s doing? He doesn’t care, he thinks.  _ I want this,  _ he tells himself, maybe for the first time.

Joshua enters, slowly, carefully, and Jeonghan wants to cry, from the burn and the stretch and the  _ care  _ that Joshua is moving with, featherlight touch slow and deliberate.

“Is this okay, uh, master?” Joshua asks, voice somewhat timid, like he’s unsure of what he’s doing, how to ask about it, like the roles have been reversed and turned upside down. Jeonghan just wants to tell him  _ you’re doing great baby,  _ and,  _ yes, lovely,  _ and  _ holy shit. Why are these words coming into my head, oh my god,  _ he thinks.

All he stutters out instead is a weak, “Yes, slave,” and he feels the illusion fading a bit.

Joshua continues to fuck him with one finger, slowly, eventually working the whole thing in as far as he can. He licks around Jeonghan’s hole as he does this, hoping that some stimulation might loosen him up. He palms at his cock as well, and that helps. Eventually he can add another, asking Jeonghan if this is okay. Jeonghan just grunts and nods. The second finger goes in easier, sliding along slick next to the second, and Joshua scissors them once he feels that the stretch has widened. Jeonghan moans and shakes at the unfamiliarity, all new things, all new touch and sensations, all brought on by Joshua.

“Shua, another, I mean…  _ fuck…  _ Slave, please, I mean-”

Joshua laughs,  _ fond,  _ again, and that makes Jeonghan shake more than the fingers scissoring inside of him.

“Sure, love,” Joshua says, like he’s dunking a toe in the waters to test them, and Jeonghan almost melts around him, but he won’t give in that easily.

“But,  _ ahh,  _ you’re supposed to address me a-as,  _ Maa-aster,” _ Jeonghan stutters through gasps and moans.

“ _ Suuuure, _ I am, Hannie,” Joshua says, smug, now sitting up a bit so he can look Jeonghan in the eye. With that, he slides in the third finger, abrupt, much more so than the last. Joshua should know this moment better than anyone, the moment where one begins to let go and dissipate into a blissful cavern of ecstasy from which nothing can pull one out, save the release of orgasm.

Jeonghan can’t protest anymore, not with the third finger inside, opening him up further, and  _ fuck,  _ then Joshua hits his prostate, and that’s new, that’s exciting, that’s  _ mind-blowing. _ Jeonghan whines and moans and shakes as Joshua continues to assault his sweet spot.

“Just fuck me already, p-please, you fucking tease,” Jeonghan finally gains the composure to say, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to speak for a month after this. He fears the well of his mouth may have been dried up of its words, that the reserves in his brain have dissipated.  _ What are thoughts? What are words?  _ The nagging voice is melding with his own, now.  _ What is anything? Who are you? Who am I? What is anything besides him, besides Joshua? _

“But you just look so beautiful like this,” Joshua is resting his head on Jeonghan’s leg as he fingers him, staring at him like you’d look at someone while you take their order in a restaurant, not like you’re fingerfucking them absolutely  _ raw. _

“Don’t make me beg,” Jeonghan demands, half-heartedly, voice gone, hoping that Joshua will be merciful, and he is. How could he be any other way?

Joshua grabs the condom, attempting to open it, and Jeonghan gets a moment of reprieve to laugh and tease him for not being able to open it properly (to which Joshua responds:  _ Shut the fuck up you asshole you know it’s been a while) _ . He finally gets it out of the packaging and slides the latex down his cock, slicking it up with the lube after.

“Are you ready?” Joshua asks as he positions himself, the head of his cock pressing eagerly against Jeonghan’s open hole.

“Did I not just  _ demand  _ that you do this, you little shit?” Jeonghan asks, laughing a bit between a frenzy of frantic gasps as Joshua teases his hole, beginning to push in slightly and faking out. Then, he finally does.

Jeonghan feels full, full with so, so much. Being fucked by Joshua is another experience entirely,  _ new,  _ and somehow familiar, all at once. Joshua hasn’t even begun to move, but the burn as he slides in dissipates a bit and Joshua finally buries himself fully, and Jeonghan feels  _ full,  _ whatever the hell that means. He doesn’t know, not now. Jeonghan doesn’t know  _ anything,  _ nothing but Joshua.

“ _ Move _ , idiot,” Jeonghan urges him, demanding tone returning as quickly as it recedes.

“Okay, okay, gosh, I don’t wanna hurt you, or something,” is how Joshua responds, and Jeonghan wants to cry, again, and he does, just a little bit. Tears bead up at the corner of his eyes once Joshua starts to move.

Unfortunately, Joshua leans forward, his face coming closer to Jeonghan’s right as this happens.

“Holy shit, are you crying?” Joshua asks as his hips stutter, coming to a halt, and Jeonghan suddenly feels things grow a bit tense, a bit awkward, like he doesn’t have a response for what Joshua is asking and he never will.  _ Jesus, this is just so intimate.  _ This isn’t roleplay. He is himself right now, and so is Joshua, and Joshua is talking to him and looking at him like he would on any other day during any other moment in which his cock is not buried inside of Jeonghan, and what the fuck? What the fuck is Jeonghan supposed to do with that?

Luckily, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Joshua just leans in to kiss at the corners of Jeonghan’s eyes, to wipe the tears away as he begins to move.

“Are you okay? Does this feel alright?” Joshua asks Jeonghan, and he moves again, tentatively, until Jeonghan moans. Joshua has finally hit his prostate, and this provides some relief from all of it, from the burn and the stretch, from the knee-jerk response of tears, from the  _ feelings, oh god the fucking feelings, _ that just won’t go away, but they’re on the back burner now. All Jeonghan knows is Joshua, and the way his cock hits his prostate, the way he tries desperately to keep that perfect angle so that he can keep eliciting sweet little sounds and guttural moans from Jeonghan’s scratchy throat.

_ “Joshuaaah, aahhhh,”  _ Jeonghan breathes out as he wraps his arms around Joshua’s middle and grazes his fingers up and down his back. Joshua hits his prostate again and Jeonghan digs his nails into Joshua’s back, the pain inviting and familiar to Joshua, drawing a moan out from his lips as well, and Jeonghan just thinks that’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Joshua, fucking him, moaning as he hits all the right places. Jeonghan drags his fingers down his back again, digging his nails  in, pushing Joshua over the edge even more. When he lurches upward as much as he can to suck a mark onto Joshua’s chest, Joshua’s hips stutter and Jeonghan knows now that he’s lost control, that Jeonghan has managed to usurp him.

“Ahh, Joshuji, what’s wrong?” Jeonghan asks, an air of confidence returned to him, “Too sensitive to fuck me well? It’s okay, I know how the pain affects you, you little slut. Even when you’re fucking me you’re still  _ mine  _ to use.”

Jeonghan sucks on Joshua’s neck as he says this, teeth baring to then bite at his shoulder. Joshua takes his degradation in stride, as a challenge, knowing he’s still the one in control. He pushes himself up and away from Jeonghan, pushing his legs back and angling them away so that he can fuck Jeonghan deeper, hit his prostate over, and over again.

“Oh, my  _ god,”  _ Jeonghan moans, now given up on clutching fast to any semblance of control he had left, “ _ Shua,  _ fuck, you’re so beautiful. Y-you fuck me so well. I’m so proud,  _ ahhh,  _ did you learn this from m-me? Did I teach you this well?”

This is the last chance at Jeonghan stealing any control away from Joshua, and though any praise shared between the two was rare, whenever Jeonghan peppered it in, Joshua  _ melted,  _ as he did now. Joshua just melts back down toward Jeonghan, their bodies entwining again. Joshua reaches down to stroke Jeonghan’s cock, perhaps another play in the never-ending game between the two, or perhaps just a way to make Jeonghan  _ shut the fuck up, _ as Joshua would probably love to say right now. Jeonghan hopes it’s neither, though, and by the grace of some supernatural force, he can tell it’s neither. No, it’s Joshua  _ needing,  _ as he always does, but what he needs now is to make Jeonghan come. It’s all he wants, and Jeonghan knows it, and perhaps this is the time in which Jeonghan can finally give that to him, selflessly.

Jeonghan comes all over Joshua’s hand and his own stomach, stuttering on moans and attempts at praise, and Joshua follows soon after.

Joshua lingers inside of him for a bit, until he pulls out, leaving the bed to discard the condom. Joshua returns to plant a kiss on Jeonghan’s cheek, a simple, sweet kiss. A kiss, as a kiss, not a game, not a play, not a tease.

“What was that for?” Jeonghan asks, and he doesn’t realize quickly enough that he’s resting his hand where Joshua’s kiss would have lingered, like he’s trying to clutch onto it for dear life.

“Uhh… I don’t know,” Joshua responds, still speaking like they didn’t just fuck like absolute animals. “Aftercare?”

“That’s some lazy piece of shit aftercare, if I must say so,” Jeonghan teases.

“Well, what did you have in mind, then?” Joshua rests a loving hand on Jeonghan’s thigh as he asks.

“Hmmm,” Jeonghan sighs, pondering, “How about a bath? But only if you’ll join me,” he asks, with no regard for how intimate that might be or what it might mean.

“Anything for you, Jeonghan,” Joshua says, with  _ love _ in his eyes, and Jeonghan isn’t afraid to call it that, or to recognize it so. Joshua offers him a hand and lifts Jeonghan’s tired, burdened body off of the bed.

“Ahh, I can’t believe the first time you fucked me it was so… vanilla,” Jeonghan shudders as Joshua wraps an arm around his waist and hoists Jeonghan’s opposite arm over his shoulders (though Joshua knows it might just be him being dramatic, but Jeonghan knows that he would bend over backwards for him, anyway).

“Don’t worry,” Joshua says, laughing in agreement, “there will be other times.”

Jeonghan thinks, maybe, that giving Joshua what he wants, what he needs, might not be so bad. It might be an opportunity for him to get what he wants as well.


End file.
